Binary Brain

So many things have happened over the past year and I decided that I’m going to finally take advantage of turning 40 (in a little over 3 hours) and embrace not only the new year, but a new decade in my life. My 30s were crazy and I might take some time to look back at a number of exceptional experiences. Off the top of my head, the following define my 30s:

• Experiencing a spouse go through the agony and terror of cancer (that started my 30s a few months after turning 30).
• Finally accepting my role and a job that I took in my early 20s (22, to be exact) and stop trying to figure out what the next best thing was going to be. I read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh that talked about living in the moment instead of in the future. Between that and watching my spouse go through cancer, I finally decided to embrace the life that I was living and try to experience it day by day, hour by hour. (Only through Grace will I ever learn to do it minute by minute.)
• Going through a divorce. Those who have experienced it know how it is a living death. No matter the reasons (it is always complicated), divorce is like watching a car crash in slow motion. The only difference is how many fatalities there are along the way.
• Moving to the big city from the country. Finally, I felt at home. Weird. I know. I happen to enjoy being around people most of the time – even if I don’t necessarily want to engage in a long conversation. So far, as an example of this, Manhattan continues to be my favorite place.
• Meeting a woman who would change my life and give me four absolutely amazing kids.
• Becoming a dad at 37 is the single biggest and most important accomplishment of my life. Children change everything. Everything. For the better. You will never be the same and I implore you to consider it. Have more than one. Have 10. You will never say that you had too many.
• A lesson that I’ve learned in my almost-40-years that rings true tonight more than ever: you cannot predict the future. You cannot claim to know for certain how something is going to turn out. (Yes, I realize that gravity will win out no matter how many times I try to jump off the roof.) Large scale, complicated systems, however, never work the way we theorize. Our theories are summations and simplifications. Let wisdom and faith guide your days. Enjoy ever.single.day. Find something good in your experiences and stop insisting that other people do what you want them to do.

Let’s see what my 40s bring. If my 30s are any indication, it’ll be a wild, crazy ride. I promise to check in more often than I did in my 30s.